Fast Movie Review - Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Episode III was a blur of emotionally stunted scenes and Anakin making idiotic decisions that endanger himself, Padmé, and the entire galaxy. In the final prequel episode, Anakin is pulled over to the Dark Side by a few cliché lines from Darth Sidious. The Jedis continue to unnecessarily perform back flips during combat, resulting in the amputation of three of Anakin's limbs. As a result, Anakin is encased in the Vader suit which he is obviously not happy about.

Meanwhile, Padmé gives birth, looses the will to live, and dies. Even though this is supposed to be a very advanced civilization, painkillers were not provided as Padmé gave birth, or as Anakin had his body turned into a cyborg. Ehh, pain is strength. Overall Revenge of the Sith gave the thrill of action as well as...yeah that's about it.

Rating: 1 Deathstar

~ by Anna & Sophie

Parenting dilemma: when is a toy a toy?

For Christmas this year, Anna asked for a set of Nerf Phoenix Lazer Taggers. As described by the manufacturer Hasbro: "Tag or be tagged in this intense, real-life lazer combat game!" I have no idea what it means to be in "real-life" lazer combat, but it involves these things called "taggers" which, to the untrained eye, look like toy guns.

Lazer tag works like this: each player gets a lazer gun which has settings for the "strength" of the lazer (10 or 25), the level of "ammunition" (up to five bars, like a cell phone signal), a "shield" which protects you from the other player's shots (but saps your own shield strength and ammunition) and a reload button.

Every time you hit the sensor on the other player's lazer gun, you diminish her strength and ammunition until, finally (well, actually kind of quickly when we play), they are out. Point. Aim. Shoot.

So, the dilemma comes to this.  In this sensitive time about gun violence, are toy guns -- lazer taggers, for example -- appropriate for children? Should we worry about Tamir Rice scenarios? Will we be judged as bad parents? Will our children be warped by holding the cold plastic in their hands?

I remember a similar dilemma in the girls' earlier years when they were eaten by the Disney Princesses. To feed the bedazzled, glass-slippered beasts or not? The girls loved those princesses. They loved the gowns. They loved the movies and the music. They loved the dolls and all the attendant merchandise. And, yes, for a period of two or three years, we totally indulged them.

Here's the thing: the danger of the princess storyline is that the girls grow up thinking that they are disempowered, waiting for a fairy godmother or a prince to save them or complete their lives, reaching for that golden ring of marriage and happily ever after. That is -- as every post-feminist mother will tell you -- a set up for disemboweling a girl's self esteem and years of therapy.

But that's not the game our girls were playing. When they played princess, they were the Center of the Universe. They commanded. They were Chief Executives with a tiara and they were not waiting around for anyone. The princess world is what you bring to it.

The same may be true for our daughters and lazer taggers. The girls aren't imagining that they are holding real guns or shooting to harm anyone, much less maim or kill. The toys are just that -- toys with which they are running around on the beach and in the park and around the house (okay, that's dangerous, but only because Grandma has some fragile antiques). This is a game with the emotional resonance and adrenalin rush of an old-fashioned game of tag or chase, but played with plastic guns rather than slapping your friend silly.

So, Anna got the lazer taggers, and we've been playing with them, and we've been having the conversation about what they mean or don't mean. For example, we don't let our littlest cousins play because they aren't really old enough to understand the difference between "pretend" and "real" yet. And in Santa Barbara, we thought it best to play with them discretely since (as you may recall) that city recently had a tragic mass shooting by a crazy person. Indeed, it seemed both insensitive and possibly imprudent to play in public spaces, even with the obviously toy-like bright gold and turquoise plastic guns. (Instead, we played near the abandoned tannery pit ruins of the old mission).

We know -- and are rather saddened -- that this kind of play isn't for everyone. We are thankful that for our family playing is just playing.

Beaches, blasters and butterflies

Part of the charm of a road trip are the serendipitous moments. For no particular reason other than the fact that it is on our path southward, we stop in Pismo Beach for the night. With a population less than 8,000 people, this quiet beach town touts its surfing, white sand beaches, wine tasting and Monarch butterflies.

Not a lot going on in the evening in Pismo Beach. We watched part of Star Wars Episode 2 - Attack of the Clones. We only watched part because, honestly, it was kind of hard to get through it in one sitting.

Fast Movie Review: Okay, so in Episode 1, little Anakin Skywalker (played by Jake Lloyd) could not deliver a convincing line, but at least he was cute. In Episode 2, Anakin is grown up (played by Hayden Christensen) and he's such a dreadful actor that no amount of cuteness will help. Worse, his tortured, saccharine relationship with the apparently un-aging Padmé is something between disturbing and grating. Padmé has a new outfit in every scene, and they are awesome. And she is a warrior badass, which makes one wonder what she sees in the bumbling apprentice Jedi Anakin. She should dump him like an overheating light saber. Effects -- particularly the Kaminoans -- are still cool. Rating: 2 Deathstars.

Back to Pismo Beach: it is nice to wake up to a view like this.

And we enjoyed some down time with Anna's new laser tag blasters, with a ukelele soundtrack from Sophie.

On the way out of town (cue On The Road Again, Willie Nelson version), we stopped at the Pismo Beach Monarch Butterfly Grove. Like all of us, the Monarchs want to escape the cold in the north. So, they head south for the winter, finding safe haven in eucalyptus groves down the Central Coast between October and February.

The Monarchs hang from the tree limbs, like shingles, one's wings sheltering another. The weight of these clusters keeps the butterflies from whipping around in the wind.

Evolution is cool.

La Cuesta Encantada

In 1919, William Randolph Hearst began an ambitious construction project on the hilltop of the Santa Lucia Range. As Hearst wrote to architect Julia Morgan that year, "Miss Morgan, we are tired of camping out in the open at the ranch in San Simeon and I would like to build a little something."

Over the course of the next 28 years, what started as a plan to put a small bungalow on Hearst's boyhood campsite evolved into an estate of 165 rooms and 127 acres of gardens, pools, and the world's largest private zoo. Hearst Castle, formally named La Cuesta Encantada ("The Enchanted Hill"), is now operated by the California State Park Service and open to the public. Stop at the visitor's center and then hop on the bus to take the winding road up to the castle. Bonus: Alex Trebek narrates the route to the castle. Double bonus: excellent time for a group selfie to pass the time.

Family Selfie

Back to the tour: admittedly, it's a little weird to be touring some rich guy's playland (what Orson Welle's would thinly veil as "Xanadu" in Citizen Kane). Hearst's hand in the project is so apparent, from the 17th century ceilings imported from Spain to the size of the pepper pots in the garden, that the tour is strangely voyeuristic.

On the other hand, this labor of love is truly remarkable. The design and construction of the estate -- financed by the Hearst wealth from mining and media -- went straight through the Depression with barely a flutter. Julia Morgan's invoice for the cost of construction from 1919 to1942 was a stunning $4,717,000. She ran the entire job -- from managing the carpenters, plasterers and stonecasters to purchasing Spanish antiquities, Icelandic moss and reindeer for Hearst. Between 1919 and 1939 when her health began to fail, Morgan made 558 weekend trips by train from San Francisco to San Simeon.

Some people collect stamps. Hearst collected antique European ceilings. When you get over the gulf in lifestyle that stands between you and the media magnate, admire the beautiful ceilings in each of the rooms which range from gilded plaster to Spanish fired tiles.

There are a number of tours to choose from and our State Parks guide was great with a lovely ability to tell sympathetic stories about the eccentric Hearst and explain the details of the construction. Whatever tour you pick, don't miss the pools. Ed knows his pools. He can find an Olympic-size pool in any city where he stays for more than 48 hours. So, the Hearst pools were a highlight.

The outdoor Neptune pool (named for the 17th century marble statue that overlooks the marble basin) holds 345,000 gallons and is lined with black and white Vermont marble. Because it leaks 5,000 gallons a day, it is currently being renovated. The indoor Roman pool is modeled after a Roman bath and, in case you didn't get that point, it is surrounded by eight Roman gods, goddesses and heroes. Subtle. Camille Solon, the English muralist and ceramist, designed the mosaic which covers walls, floor, ceiling and pool in one-inch smalti glass and fused gold tiles.

What we would give for a quick dip! But, alas, onward. More photos of the lovely La Cuesta Encantada here. Next stop: Pismo Beach.

Christmas roadtrip!

OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR. It's been over two years since we last posted on The Honeychurch Chronicles and time is flying! So, happy Christmas, merry holidays, and here goes.

The week before Christmas, we embarked on a big family road trip. We don't usually take to the road because some of us are prone to motion sickness. But we thought that if we take it slow and enjoy the sights, it would be okay. So, we've abandoned the soccer fields of the Greater Bay Area and headed south with the geese and Monarch butterflies (more on that later). A rental car, five longish audio books, six stuffed bags, two girls and a ukelele (yes, more on that, too).

Of course, as we head out of town, it started raining cats and dogs (where does that phrase come from?). Not ideal driving conditions, but it's raining in California and we are not ones to look a gift horse in the mouth (again, what?!?).  First stop: Monterey.

We arrived in the evening, and too late to visit the world-famous aquarium. But we checked into the lovely Clement Hotel, snuggled under the covers and started our Roadtrip Star Wars Marathon. Yes, we will watch all six Star Wars episodes on the road and then make our way to a theater for The Force Awakens (no spoilers, please!). No, we are not those crazies who are watching 30 hours of Star Wars phantasmagoria in order to get their names on a movie house seat.

Fast Movie Review: Episode One - The Phantom Menace is the 1999 prequel in which George Lucas revives the Star Wars saga. The special effects are cool, but the dialogue and acting make The Big Bang Theory sound sophisticated. CGI-created Gungan Jar Jar Binks is neither comic nor a relief; he is annoying. The styling of Padmé Amidala is totes awesome, tho. Rating: 2 Deathstars.

When we woke the next morning, the clouds had parted. After a quick family selfie by the Bay, we made our way down the Big Sur coastline. We have spent a lot of time in the Monterey-Carmel-Big Sur area, so we didn't dawdle. And there's that motion sickness thing, remember?

To keep our minds off the swooping highway and sharp cliff edges, we chose our first audio book for the trip: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. We are huge fans of this beautiful book, but the audio story -- told by the uber-talented Jim Dale (you may remember as the voice of the Harry Potter series) -- is very good!

For on-the-road entertainment, we also have Sophie and her ukelele (an early Christmas present). Sophie is teaching herself to play with the help of YouTube and the Greater Internet. So far, her repertoire includes: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, The Lava Song, and Rip Tide. Live entertainment is lovely. In moderation.

Next stop: Hearst Castle